Photo by Lisa Jay
This might sounds strange coming from somebody who does a parenting blog, but I’m not really sure about this Mother’s Day caper. I adore my Mum, and I love the fact that I have an excuse to write to her and tell her as much, but really what is the big deal about being a Mum? Yes I know we Mum’s sacrifice a lot, but it’s not really all that hard when it’s for your own flesh and blood. I think instead they should have ‘Anyone-who-puts-up-with-a-man-Day!’ I’m not saying this because I don’t like men, I just happen to think they’re more hard work than children.
I mean children make a mess, but at least you can rouse on them to tidy up. Children are inconsiderate, but at least you can teach them how to become more considerate. Children are quite time-consuming and expensive, but at least they move out at 21… or 28. Men on the other hand are completely un-trainable.
Over the last ten years of marriage I have tried to teach my husband to be a bit tidier. TOTAL LOST CAUSE. He always dumps his keys, wallet, mobile phone, i-pod and work lanyard on the kitchen bench with a pile of coins. To try to contain this spread of junk, I bought him a special little box to go on the kitchen counter to put his keys, phone, wallet, etc in. So what does he do? Every day he dumps the said keys, phone, wallet etc on the counter right next to the special little box for the keys, phone, wallet, etc. And every day I move the keys, phone, wallet etc back into the little box for the keys, phone, wallet etc. Every day. Every day. Every day!!! And every day he comes home from work, empties out his pockets and puts his coins on the counter right next to the coin jar. And every day I pick up those same coins and put them back in the coin jar! Like I said, completely untrainable!
I have the same problem with the clothes that my husband has worn once but thinks he’s going to wear again. These half-dirty clothes are deemed too dirty to go back in the cupboard, but too clean to go in the dirty clothes basket. So I got my husband a director’s chair to casually drape these half-dirty, half-clean clothes over. And you know what happened to that chair? It broke. It was completely weighed down with half a wardrobe of clothes. So I bought a box with a lid to go on top of our blanket box. I thought a box with a lid would be tidier, so the half-clean, half-dirty clothes could be out of sight, under the lid. And you know where he puts the half-clean, half-dirty clothes? On top of the box with the lid. Yes, in a great, big messy pile ON TOP of the box with the lid. One word. Untrainable.
And this is why I think there should be a special day for every woman who labours over a man. But then I have to rebuke myself. Last Sunday, at a Mother’s Day High Tea, I was seated next to a friend who lost her husband very suddenly many years ago and raised her kids on her own. I know she would give anything, anything, to have those messy clothes on the blanket box and that pile of coins on kitchen bench. So let’s forget about Mother’s Day. What about just Cherishing-Everyone-You-Love day? Or Appreciating-Everybody-In-Your-Family-Day? Being a Mum is an incredible journey, having a loving mother is an amazing privilege, losing your Mum might be an overwhelming heartache. But we can all cherish our loved ones, regardless of whether we are a mother, have a mother, or are still longing to become one.
What does Mother’s Day mean for you?
Wendy
I’m not quite a mum yet (31 weeks pregnant) but I loved the segment this morning. It made me feel so much better to be reminded that I’m not the only woman out there with a frustrating husband! Thanks so much, you made me smile and remember to forgive him his faults today.
Jennzy
ha ha ha i love it – and totally agree that men are untrainable and agree that if we didn’t have it we’d miss it! My friend said that she got told by a counsellor to have a basket (washing one) and you go around the house collecting all the stuff that belong to whomever (she has 2 teens so one ea for them and one for hubby) and puts it in the appropriate basket. Then she puts that basket either on their bed or their favourite chair in front of the tv. They’re not allowed to go to bed or sit down until they put the stuff away in the basket – they agreed that they will do this. And her son would never put his dirty plate from dinner in the sink. So the next night she didn’t dish up his dinner. He was going mum … what the? And she said well i didn’t get a plate back so you don’t get dinner till i do! Both have worked for her
But I digress from your question
Mothers day is a panic day of oh where are those gold coins to give to the kids to buy something at the mothers day stall and before that you have to go buy a gift for them to take to the mothers day stall. Then there is the gifts that you get from the stall which sometimes are fabulous and sometimes are well ….! 
ha ha Then this year i found myself totally forgetting about my own mum because I was too busy thinking I was the mum and then went oh yeah derr! I think it has become a bit too commercialised like most stuff but it is good to show your mum that you appreciate her. ALTHOUGH I think you can give her a gift and it could mean nothing if the actions towards her don’t match. I think the best gift we gave our ma this year was going to church with them. They all had these family tables and if my bro and me & my 3 kids didn’t go – they would’ve been the only ones with no family there … phew!
katrinaroe
Wendy, glad you enjoyed the segment. I have to say, you ARE already a Mum… Your baby already exists and it has no other Mum but you right? So you are a Mum, you just haven’t met your baby yet!
Aly
Ha ha, ahhh that was very funny, Treen. I bet there are lots of men who would deliver similar tirades about women being untrainable though – complaining about us stealing razors and so on (or of course that most terrible sin…giving them a long-tined fork with their dinner when they prefer one with short tines! Untrainable!!! ha ha)
But yes, Mothers’ day…
Looking back at Mother’s Days in our family when I was growing up, we were never really in to buying presents or spending money on Mum in those days, but it was a nice opportunity for her to be spoiled and for us to serve her – especially because so much of her life was spent graciously serving us!
We would usually make breakfast in bed and hand made cards. I think the act of stopping to write a card and verbalise your appreciation of someone is such an important thing for the giver as well as the receiver. Which reminds me… I, uh, still haven’t sent my Mum her card… Better late than never, right??
Oh, I got my first genuine mother’s day card message from my 3 year old daughter this year (which she dictated to my husband). It made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes! She listed among my apparent attributes: good at cooking, fun, good at talking (unlike her baby brother), good at looking in mirrors (???), being able to put on lipstick and not eat it, and being able to build houses (huh?).
Ahhh, very sweet. I love Mother’s Day!
Jennzy
what a classic Aly re: your 3 y.o’s comments. I once got (from a pre-school card that they tried hard to change her mind about writing) “My mum loves me coz she smacks me when im naughty”.
katrinaroe
When I picked Birdy up from daycare yesterday, there was another Mum who was being handed her home-made Mother’s Day card. Somehow she had missed out on getting it last week. This Mum was so pleased she was practically crying as she had thought she was not going to get a Mother’s Day card at all. It made me question my rather blase attitude to these little home-made treasures… which in my house sometimes accidently find their way into the bin… whoops!