We all have those moments when we feel like a crap parent. For me, the moment was about a week ago. OK, it was technically an Aunty moment, but the point is the same.
My little sister and I were shopping at Birkenhead Point with our combined four children. (Aged 5, 4, 2 and my baby in the pram.) There aren’t too many lifts at Birkenhead Point and one of them is tiny. When it arrived, there were already a couple of prams inside. So I jumped in the lift with the kids, and my sister took the escalator to meet us up at the next level.
When we got out of the lift, my sister said, “Where’s Henry?” Suddenly my brain goes into over drive: “Did I have Henry? Didn’t you have Henry?” “Crap! Where was Henry?”
I rewound the last 30 seconds in my brain and realised what had happened. The lift had gone down before going up. At the bottom level, one of the Mums with a pram was getting out, so everybody shuffled out to make way. Henry must have gotten out of the lift at the bottom floor.
My sister charged down to the bottom level and found the aforementioned mother-with-pram waiting with Henry. No harm was done. But I must say it was one of the real low-points in my five years of parenting that I lost my sister’s kid, especially as I was only in charge of him for about 10 seconds in total. Wow, maybe I’ve set a new record for fastest person to lose a kid! We all have those moments in our parenting journey – the things we’re really proud of and the things we’re not so proud of. So here’s my list so far.
My Top Ten parenting low-points – here are the things I’m most ashamed of: (But don’t worry, I’m not actually beating myself up about them…)
- After craving peanut butter while pregnant with Birdy, I went on a peanut-butter eating binge after she was born. I ate peanut butter every day for breakfast for the first few months of Birdy’s life. Nobody told me that the allergens pass through the breast milk so Birdy was covered in eczema until a doctor told me to avoid eating peanuts as she was obviously an allergic child. Oops! We had no idea about food allergies back then!
- I’ve smacked Birdy in anger about four times and yelled at her more times than I have fingers. Not proud of those moments.
- Not having enough milk for Molly. I know shouldn’t be ashamed of this as it’s clearly not my fault, but nevertheless I am.
- Once at a wedding, when Birdy was about 18 months old, she begged and begged me for one of the beautiful cupcakes on the table, which she couldn’t eat because she was allergic to egg. I didn’t have the strength of character to keep saying ‘no’, so I gave her the flower on top of the cupcake, which I later discovered was basted with egg white. She instantly vomited all over her high chair. Sorry about that, darling.
- All the times I have sent Caillie to school without her hat/water bottle/lunch box, promised her I’d come back before recess with said hat/waterbottle/lunchbox then completely forgotten about it until midday.
- Turning up for Molly’s first appointment at the Baby Health Clinic with none of the things you need to care for a baby. No nappies, wipes, wraps, spare clothes etc. Of course she soiled her nappy 5 minutes into the appointment and I had to confess that I had nothing to change her with. Then we had to walk home in a cold wind with no wraps, blankets, pram covers etc. Not expecting a nomination for Mum of Year based on that experience.
- All the times I have glanced in the rear view mirror while stopped at the traffic lights and noticed that my child isn’t strapped into their car seat or the baby capsule isn’t secured properly.
- The fact that I am generally rubbish at housework and housekeeping.
- When I can’t be bothered cooking I’ve been known to give Birdy two minute noodles and a can of tuna for dinner. Actually I’m not too ashamed of that. It’s better than hot chips. When she eats them raw I feel slightly neglectful.
- To top it all off, I had a brilliant moment the other day when I looked out the kitchenwindow tosee that the Hills Hoist had actually snapped in half. The kids had been swinging from itwithout me realising. Fortunately nobody was crushed to death when it plummeted to earth!
My Top Ten parenting high points – here are the things I’m most proud of: (even though they are mostly the result of good fortune, circumstances and very little credit to me)
- I breast-fed Birdy for 13 months.
- Birdy never had formula, but she was as fat as a formula-fed baby anyway.
- Even though she’s allergic to peanuts, Birdy has never once had a reaction to peanuts because I have never let a peanut near her. Or even a trace of a peanut. High-five!
- I had a fantastic drug-free natural birth with Molly even though she was rather a big baby. Again, no credit to me. Or just a tiny bit. Maybe 1%.
- Birdy loves books and refuses to go to sleep without a story. She is so proud when I come and help with reading in her class each week. J
- I spent three and a half years at home with Birdy before returning to work and even then she didn’t have to go to long daycare (thanks to my husband and sister – no credit to me.)
- Um, can’t think of 7.
- Or 8.
- TBC…
- Whatever.
Don’t freak out. I’ve got another 20 years to come up with four more high points. A lot can happen in 20 years. Watch this space.
What have been your parenting high and low points, or strengths and weaknesses? (Mia Freedman calls it a smug list and a crap list.) Have you ever lost a kid? What are you most proud of as a parent?
Sarah
When my son was two and a half I took him and his younger brother shopping with my mum. We gave them some milk to keep them happy in the pram a bit longer, which my one year old spilt everywhere. So while mum ducked into a shop I got the boys out and wiped down the pram. The boys walked behind the pram and twenty seconds later when I stood up my youngest there, but Master 2 was not. Mum came out of the shop and could see him about 20metres away, and then he disappeared from view. Twenty minutes later, after frantic searching which involved security and praying that he hadn’t walked out to the nearby carpark or walked off with someone (he’s a very social, friendly kid) he was found on the wiggles ride about three hundred metres away, happily playing. That day I went and bought an animal backpack with a tail. The worst thing was when I mentioned what had happened on FB – a couple of people criticised me for using a leash. Enough people immediately stood up for me so I left it at that, but as far as I was concerned my child’s safety is more important than other people’s sensibilities. Plus, within a couple of months it had allowed us to teach him about the boundaries when he is walking rather than in the pram since he likes his independence and often doesn’t want to hold hands.
He also broke his arm at 18mths old when he fell over at home. It took us two days to realise it was broken. Mother of the Year right here.
He also ended up in hospital for three days with an asthma attack – after it took me 24hours to realise that he needed to go to the ED. To be fair to myself, though, I wasn’t given adequate information that last time he was taken to the ED for asthma so I was pretty ignorant. I have definitely read up now though.
His younger brother has fared better, lucky for him.
The high points are harder to think of (probably because we judge ourselves so harshly as parents, and often endure the judgment of others). One thing that I am particularly proud of, though, is that I got to 12 months when breastfeeding my second, despite about 7 bouts of mastitis, a month long thrush infection in my milk ducts (yep, in them – it is extremely rare) which meant that I felt like the duct had been pierced by a burning needle for an hour after every feed, and a period of biting. I just refused to give-up. But I can’t think of any others.
katrinaroe
Love your stories, Sarah. It’s funny that a number of your stories also revolve around health issues. I guess it’s such a steep learning curve when you have kids – I knew nothing about asthma and allergies and broken bones before having children! Re those animal backpacks: I used to look down on people who used leashes – until I looked after a 2 year old boy! Boys are so much harder to keep up with than girls. Better to have him on a leash than under a car, right?
Sarah
They were my thoughts too – we’ve just decided that Master 1 is ready to ‘graduate’ to the backpack. He is turning out to be our little mischief maker – I thought Master 3 was bad!
I think kids’ health is a HUGE learning curve – before I had kids I knew nothing about vaporisers, croup, bronchiolitis, reflux, ventolin, losec etc. And that lack of knowledge means we make mistakes or miss things, and our poor little ones suffer when that happens
But at least I don’t freak out at every temperature or rash now!! 
Alexandra
Everyone who has seen Henry knows that he’s just like Houdini and how much time I spend saying ‘where’s Henry?’ so no surprises there and no judgement from me. The worst time I lost him was at a servo on Pennant Hills Rd. Somehow, without me seeing, he slipped out through the automatic doors and took himself back to the car. Serious panic til I found him, my daughter was in tears, and I spent the rest of the day with images of what could have been flashing through my head!
The proud moments I think aren’t much to do with me – it’s just when they behave in kind way: giving people hugs, helping other kids and including them, speaking nicely.