A celebration of parenting with Katrina Roe

Monthly Archives: April 2013

We’ve all been waiting for it and now it’s finally happened!

Molly has taken her first independent steps!

She’s already 17 months so she’s a bit of a late bloomer, but hey, we all get there in the end.  The first time it happened we were in Dubbo, visiting my in-laws.  She was holding onto a chair on the dining table, then took three steps over to the couch to get to Mum.  It was probably only just one step that she wasn’t holding on for, but she managed to transfer her weight from one foot to the other so that was exciting.

After that she lost confidence and didn’t do any more walking for a week or so.  Then she waited until the one night of the year that I went out with some girlfriends and decided to run a marathon while I wasn’t looking.  According to an eyewitness account from a reliable 6 year old I know, she took at least five steps before she fell down on her bottom. I can’t say she has mastered the whole walking concept yet but she is definitely making progress.

I think she has started to understand that it is something she can learn.  The thing I’ve realised watching Molly slowly learn to walk is that it really does take a lot of practice.  She’s in this stage where she wants to walk, but she’s not quite confident enough to do it on her own, so she crawls over to one of us, takes both our hands, stands up and asks us to walk with her wherever she wants to go.  I don’t want to complain, but it’s actually very time consuming and sometimes slightly annoying.  I can be in the middle of cooking breakfast or getting dressed and Molly will come over and want me to take both her hands and walk up and down the hall with her.  Or she’ll want to climb up and down the stairs over and over again.

Often when people talk about taking on a new task or learning a new skill they’ll use the phrase ‘baby steps’ to mean that things don’t happen overnight.  It really is so true.  We’ve been enjoying watching The Voice lately.  I think it’s a very positive show, but you could so easily get the impression that to be successful all you have to do is go on a TV show, become an overnight sensation and it will somehow change your life.  What people forget is all the years of learning and practice and preparation that has got those artists to the point where they can sing on national TV without falling apart.

Learning to walk is one of the most life-changing skills anyone could ever learn.  Watching Molly practicing her walking over and over again has reinforced to me that achieving anything in life requires baby steps, lots of practice, lots of persistence and even more patience.  I sometimes get sick of holding Molly’s hand as she traipses up and down the hallway, but isn’t that what we all need to achieve our dreams?  Somebody to hold our hand, while we practice and stumble and fall over on our bottoms again and again and again, until one day, when nobody’s looking, we discover that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, we can walk all by ourselves.  I’m looking forward to sharing that moment with Molly one day soon.


Hey there,

Just want to let you know about a little market day that I’m involved with to raise money for the Cancer Council.  There’s going to be lots of beautiful jewellery, clothes, decorations, bags and books for sale.  I’ll be down there selling my books and a selection of other titles from Wombat Books.

Entry is $5 and includes a scrumptious morning tea.

All the details and lovely photos are on the facebook page.

Would love to see you there.

On Anzac Day I thought it might be timely to reflect a little on the nature of loss and grief.  My husband and I recently lost a baby at 15 weeks.  He was a little boy and we called him Alexander.  I’ve had quite a few miscarriages before and it’s always really upsetting to lose a pregnancy, no matter how far along you are.  But this time I cried more for him than I did for my own loss.  As I lay in my hospital bed, waiting to deliver him, all I could think about was how sorry I was that he had missed out on the chance to experience life and all the goodness that it has to offer.  He will never feel his mother’s arms around him, never go to school, never make a friend, never see a sunset, never fall in love…  This year I’m coming to Anzac Day from that perspective.

Losing Alexander has made me acutely aware that there was a whole generation of young men and women whose lives were cut short.  They never got to grow up, get married, follow their dreams, have children, travel the world and finally grow old.  I think we intrinsically understand that this was a huge loss and tragedy for the families who were left behind, but I don’t think we always realise what a huge sacrifice it was for them to literally lay down their lives, to give up all their hopes and dreams for the future.  What a massive hole that must have left in society, not to have all those young men to take up work, to marry the young women, to be fathers to the next generation.  It’s a huge collective loss.  And if you think about the way that grief has a tendency to sort of pile up on itself and accumulate, it would have profoundly affected not just individuals, families and communities, but whole generations.

I had a number of different family members involved in the first and second world wars, at Gallipoli and on the Western Front, but I was probably most affected by the stories my grandmother told me of the second world war.  My grandfather was a prisoner of war in Germany for more than five years, from when my Dad was six until he was about eleven.  My daughter is six now, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to not see her until she is eleven.  (It’s not like they had Skype, email and facebook in those days!)  I believe my father was deeply affected by that experience, and he was one of the lucky ones whose father actually came home.  His father was almost a total stranger when he returned and he only weighed about 50kg, but at least he was still in one piece. When he got back my Dad didn’t recognise him.  He had to ask his Mum, ‘Which one is he?’

This is not some ancient story from the dark ages, it’s living history and like any loss, it needs to be acknowledged.  That’s why we keep telling the story, every year.  For me, that’s what Anzac Day is about… it’s a day to grieve, to remember the losses we experienced as a nation and to recognise that the impact of what happened is still being felt today.   So even though Anzac Day might seem like a formal, solemn and reserved occasion, I consider it to be a kind of national group hug where we’re collectively saying, “Yep, we know.  We remember.  And we’re grateful.”

But the words we use to express that feeling are: Lest we forget.


Sometimes I miss living a life that was a little more adventurous than the life I’m living right now.

I live in hope that when my kids are a bit older we might do more kayaking or hiking or family camping trips.  We haven’t really done a lot of that so far.  But in my heart I also believe that being adventurous is just as much about being open to ideas and possibilities that come up in everyday life.  So on the first day of the school holidays we went for a little bushwalk and Caillie told me she wanted to camp in the backyard and have a midnight feast.  Because I’d dearly love to foster a spirit of adventure in my children, if I was half the mother I would like to be I would have rushed home and set up the tent.  But I was tired, and it felt like just a bit too much effort.  So instead I said, “Why don’t we have a campfire and cook sausages and bacon for dinner and toast marshmallows by the fire, but then go back inside to sleep…”  I think it was the marshmallows that clinched it.

What kid doesn’t love toasting marshmallow’s by the fire?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAActually building a fire is pretty damn fun too.  Collecting the sticks, discussing which ones look like they would burn well, building it up in just the right arrangement.  I must say I was quite proud of my fire.  Normally my husband likes to don the Akubra, play the part of the bushman and expertly fan the flames, but he was still at work, so I actually enjoyed doing it myself for once.  We all had sooo much fun!  We really felt like we were away on holidays camping.  Never mind that the Billy tea was full of sticks and the sausages were burnt to a crisp – it was so dark we couldn’t actually see what we were eating which was probably just as well!   But we had an awesome adventure in our own back yard. I even went foraging in the fridge for milk and heated up Molly’s bedtime bottle in the billy, which I thought was very hardcore considering there was a microwave just inside the back door. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And the best bit was that after we’d lazed around the campfire drinking tea and snacking on marshmallows, when the mozzies started eating us for dinner, we could all go back inside.  By that time, the kids were so tired out from their dinner in the dark that they were both tucked up in bed by seven-thirty!  My sister and I still had time to have a glass of red wine and watch To Rome with Love (How funny is the opera singer in the shower?)

As much as it’s fun to be an adventurer, it’s also quite nice to be suburban! 

Have you had adventures with your children?  What age did they start to be able to handle slightly more adventurous activities?  Are there things you miss from life before babies?

PS.  For Mums on a budget, his was probably also the cheapest fun I’ve had with my kids for a long time!


My youngest daughter is about 16 months old now.  When she turned one, her big sister gave her a beautiful baby doll to play with.  Nothing warms my heart like seeing Molly care for her baby doll.  She makes a little crying noise and sometimes even says ‘up’, she picks the dolly up, gives her a cuddle, gently pats her back, kisses her very tenderly, then cuddles her again.  After she’s done all that, she either gives her baby a bottle, puts her to her chest like she’s breastfeeding, or tucks the baby into bed, gives her a pat and then rocks her to sleep.  At the end of the sequence she gets this big smile on her face like she’s really proud of herself.

It’s just the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen, and I find it amazing that even at 16 months, she’s starting to care for someone else and thinking about their needs.  (Even if that someone else is just a lump of plastic in the shape of a baby!)


She’s obviously learned that stuff from watching myself and other adults caring for their babies.  And that’s not the only way she mimics the adults around her.  One of the first things she ever did was pick things up, hold them to her ear and talk on them like they’re a phone.  It could be anything – a shoe, a Tupperware container, a banana.  My husband likes to imply that this somehow means that Mummy is always on the phone, which I assure you is not the case!

Yesterday my husband brought home a beautiful hand-me-down toy kitchen from someone at his work.  Both my girls spent all afternoon playing with it.  They were doing pretend cooking, filling up the fridge with pretend food, stacking plates, washing-up, heating up bottles of milk in the microwave and making tea.  They were having so much fun!  Why isn’t it ever that much fun when I’m washing up?  But for kids, play is their work.  Play is how they learn.  These little role-playing games that my girls are acting out are their way of learning about the world.  And scarily, the person they learn that from, is mostly me.

Sometimes my little mimics aren’t so flattering.  Sometimes Birdy tries to cut a deal with me, or makes conditions on what she does.  For example, I’ve just asked her to pick up her clothes and she says, “I’ll only clean up my clothes if you let me watch another episode of Mr Moon.”  That kind of controlling behaviour is kind of ugly when it comes out of your kids’ mouths, but of course she’s learned that from us.  We use those techniques as a way to get our children to do what we want, and then they can’t understand why they’re not allowed to do the same thing.  It’s probably just as well that our children’s behaviour can sometimes hold up a mirror to us.  I just hope that one day my children will mimic Mummy doing something a little more inspiring than washing up, cooking dinner and talking on the phone!

Caillie's lost tooth

We recently had a big moment in our household.

Our six year old, Birdy, lost her first tooth.

I realise that mightn’t sound like a very big moment, but it was special to us.

You see, Birdy has been waiting a very long time to lose that tooth.  She’s already six and she’s been waiting since she turned five to lose a tooth.  She’s seen all her friends losing their baby teeth – some of them have even lost three or four – and all the while she’s been waiting to lose her very first one.

When it finally did fall out, it couldn’t have happened at a better time.

You see, just three days before we had lost our little baby boy, Alexander.

I was fifteen and half weeks pregnant when we discovered that there was no heartbeat.  When you lose a baby like that, you don’t just lose them here and now, you also lose your future with them.  You lose the hope of looking forward to their birth, of seeing their first smile, of hearing their first words, helping them take their first steps and holding their hand on their first day at school.  In that one horrible moment when the ultrasound operator says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t find a heartbeat”, you lose all those first moments.

So when Birdy lost her first tooth, I was excited and happy to see her so excited and happy.  But it was also a reminder that even in this sad time of loss, there are so many ‘firsts’ to look forward to with our two girls.  One day soon, Molly will take her first steps.  Then there will be her first day of pre-school and school, there will be special birthdays, holidays and graduations, maybe one day a wedding and grandchildren.

Instinctively, I wanted to make this ‘first’ occasion special for Birdy.  After she went to bed, I stayed up late, writing a colourful letter from the Tooth Fairy.  I covered it with sparkles and sprayed it with perfume. When she woke up, she was so excited to find her gold coin and to discover her letter.  I have no doubt that writing that letter from the tooth fairy was therapeutic for me.  I had fun creating it and I enjoyed the anticipation of seeing her face when she found it, but it also sprang from a desire to make my girls’ childhood as magical, joyful and tender as I can.


Losing her first tooth brought Birdy such simple pleasure.  Seeing her happy made me feel happy, even in the midst of such deep sadness.  A tooth falling out is really no great achievement – it’s just a natural process, one small part of growing up.

But growing up is something Alexander will never do.

Childhood is so fleeting and every child’s life is so precious.  That’s why even losing a tooth is worth celebrating, worth treasuring, worth smiling about.

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