Yesterday was a bit of a milestone day for me. I spoke at a conference for librarians for the very first time. Fortunately I was able to get some tips from the illustrious Collett Smart, but I thought today I would share with you just a little of what I was talking about: Bibliotherapy, – Seeking solace in stories.
So what is bibliotherapy?
Bibliotherapy is using books to help kids with the tough issues they face in their lives. So there tends to be a focus on disability or chronic illness, but it also extends to issues like divorce, loneliness, grief and loss, depression, ageing, basically any difficult or confronting issue that a child might be facing.
How does it work?
It works in two different ways. The first and most obvious one is to help the child who has the problem by normalising it and helping them to realise that they’re not the only one dealing with this issue. So for example with my book Marty’s Nut-Free Party, it can be used to help a child with a food allergy to see that they’re not alone, that it’s normal to make mistakes and it can also give them some ideas about how to deal with their problem. So with some discussion and activities, bibliotherapy should help children to find their own solutions to their problems. It may also help them to realise that solutions may be possible.
The other main purpose is to help raise awareness and empathy among those who don’t have experience with the issue. So for example, Sharon McGuinness has written a beautiful book called Coming Home about a young girl whose father has severe depression. That book can help to raise awareness among people who don’t have experience with depression and give them a little insight into what it might be like for children who do live with that.
Does it actually help kids to read about these kinds of tough issues?
The best kind of bibliotherapy is when the issue is just wrapped up in a good story, with great characters, who aren’t defined by their issue or their disability. It’s really important that the characters aren’t two dimensional. There has to be something more to them so that children can identify with them. And if children are drawn into the story, then they’ll learn something without even realising it. It’s only when you talk about it more that some of those things they’ve learned will become more conscious.
What parents should keep in mind is that learning to empathise with others is actually an important skill in itself. So if your child brings home a book from the library about disability, even if your child doesn’t have a friend with a disability, it’s still valuable for them to learn to think about what life might be like for someone who does. Because that skill of being able to empathise will be valuable later when they do come across someone in life who is a bit different to them. And there’s actually some evidence that childhood is the best time to learn that skill. So I would even go so far as to say that if we can teach our children to walk around in another person’s shoes, and to develop that empathy, we could even be helping to build a more compassionate and empathetic society in the long term.
Finally, if you do have a tough issue that your child is dealing with such as grief, divorce, disability or ageing, here are some good resources.
|Anthony Best||Davene Fahy||Sky Pony Press||Aspergers|
|Amy & Louis||Libby Gleeson||Scholastic Australia||Moving House,Losing friendships|
|Bear’s Last Journey||Udo Weigelt||North-South Books||Death/Grief|
|Big Dog||Libby Gleeson||Scholastic / Bright Stars||Fear of dogs|
|Clancy & Millie and the Very Fine House||Libby Gleeson||Little Hare Books||Moving House/Friendships|
|Coming Home||Sharon McGuinness||Wombat Books||Parental Depression|
|Do you know Millie?||Gordon Winch||New Frontier||Moving|
|Goodbye Mousie||Robie H Harris||Aladdin||Death/Grief|
|Herman and Rosie||Gus Gordon||Penguin/Viking||Loneliness|
|Living with Mum and Living with Dad||Melanie Walsh||Walker Books||Divorce|
|Looking for Rex||Jan Ormerod||Little Hare||Ageing|
|Marty’s Nut-Free Party||Katrina Roe||Wombat Books||Food allergies|
|Mum and Dad Glue||Kes Gray||Barron’s Educational Series||Divorce|
|My Mum’s Got Cancer||Dr Lucy Blunt||Jane Curry Publishing||Cancer|
|Nathan’s Wish||Laurie Lears||Albert Whitman & Co||Cerebral palsy, disability|
|The Very Best of Friends||Margaret Wild||Margaret Hamilton Books||Death / Grief|
|Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge||Mem Fox||Omnibus Books Scholastic||Ageing / Dementia|
|When I’m Feeling Sad/Kind/Scared/Angry etc||Trace Moroney||The Five Mile Press||Understanding emotions|
|Ziba Came on a Boat||Liz Lofthouse||Penguin/Viking||Refugees|
Have you ever used a book to help your kids understand a difficult issue? Did it help? Why or why not? Are there any you would recommend to add to this list?
Tantrums are a special feature of daily life with an Autistic Spectrum child. From the age of two and a half to about four, my son Campbell had, on average, six or seven major tantrums per day. They involved kicking, screaming, head banging, running through the house, throwing things around and other generally uncontrollable and extremely undesirable behaviour.
A number of times, I tried to explain to people around me how difficult I found it dealing with the constant outbursts. I’d be greeted by knowing looks from parents of other small children. “Oh, yes,” they would say. “Just the other day my Jack threw one in the supermarket. Soooo embarrassing!” The implication was that there was nothing different about my autistic child, because every child throws tantrums. Tantrums are normal.
And that is true – to a degree. I had already experienced them with my older daughter Jemima, who had been an expert at the pinching, hitting and hair pulling kind from the age of two. At the age of three she wrote ‘No Mummy’ on the wall when something didn’t go her way. (It was in black permanent texta, but that’s a whole other story.) Up to the age of five she was having regular screaming matches with me when she got overtired, which unfortunately was a lot of nights in a row.
But there are differences with ASD tantrums. One of the differences is that they are almost completely unpredictable. I could usually understand why my daughter threw her wobblies, but even now I can hardly ever pinpoint the exact reasons why Campbell explodes.
One morning, when he was three and a half, we had been outside and had just come back inside the house. Campbell sat down, took two shoes and one sock off, and then just began crying. He yelled for his sister and dad who were out at her hockey game and then screamed, “James’ room, James’ room,” at the top of his lungs. At that point he ran sobbing to James’ bedroom where he climbed into the cot and continued to cry for the next half hour.
I had no idea what had happened and I still can’t even try to guess at it.
The other difference with ASD tantrums is that it is almost impossible to talk or reason the child out of it. Campbell is still only now, at the age of 6, learning that he can use words to express his anxieties. Back when he was smaller, with much poorer receptive language, it was useless to say what I would have said to my daughter at the same age, which was something like, “hey honey, next time you’re sad, you can use words to say how you feel.”
I think ASD tantrums are like the tantrums of a 12 to 18 month-old in that you’re dealing with pure emotions that are completely out of the child’s control. You are also dealing with a child who is constantly anxious and overwhelmed – much more so than with neurotypical children. I once heard an autistic adult say, “I still feel like I’m constantly on the edge, on the precipice of everything,” and I realised that when Campbell was younger, his tantrums were his reaction to falling off the edge.
With many neurotypical children you can often head the tantrum off at the pass, but with an ASD child, there’s only a tiny window for bringing calm back to the situation. With many neurotypical children, you can often talk about the tantrum once everyone is recovered. With ASD children, it’s very difficult to revisit anxious feelings. With neurotypical children, you know that tantruming is a stage that every child will go through. It will almost always be over by the age of six. With an ASD child you don’t know when, if ever, it will stop.
Have you found any useful tools to deal with or prevent tantrums? At what age did your children stop throwing wobblies (if ever)? Have some of your children had more tantrums than others or have you known children who have had particular trouble with them?
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